Mukashi e
by Shirohane
Summary: Classic fairy tales, rewritten with Naruto characters with a little twist. Sasuke x Naruto.
1. Rumpelstiltskin

Disclaimer: _The animation and the graphic art Naruto do not belong to me. The characters are my temporarily adopted sons that I must give back to the rightful father, Kishimoto-sensei. He needs them to earn his living; I need them to have fun. Don't worry, Kishimoto-sensei, I'll return your sons in good condition... mostly..._

Warning: _Alternate universe and coarse language. No respect for the classic fairytales what-so-ever. If you do not wish to see the twisted version of fairy tales that you have loved as a child, please avoid reading this fiction._

* * * * *

Sunlight failed to filter into the room. Even though it was a warm summer afternoon, the room was pitch dark. The air felt humid and sticky. A tiny window cut out of the door to the room only served to circulate the air. The environment, then, was not the most pleasant one, but the occupant of the room had more to worry about then the air. Naruto plopped to a seat in a stack of hay. He rubbed the back of his head, stared at the ceiling, then heaved a frustrated sigh. He then glared at the boy standing in the doorway of the little room that he himself was in.

"Okay, so let me get this straight," Naruto started. Neji nodded, his arms crossed over his chest, a bored expression firmly planted on his face. Naruto had an urge to beat the other boy to a pulp, but he refrained. "So, you want me to change this hay into golden shuriken." Naruto lifted up a fistful of hay to emphasize his point, then gestured towards the room. The room was filled with stacks and stacks of hay. In fact, the hay threatened to spill over and crush Naruto. "This roomful of hay stacks, in fact. By tomorrow morning."

Neji nodded solemnly to each of the conditions he himself had set up. Naruto suddenly leapt to his feet, shaking his fist at Neji, his angry eyes narrowing until they were mere slits. "Are you *beep* out of your mind?! Do you honestly think I can change this... this... *beep* into shuriken?! Damn it, you've got the wrong anime! I'm not an alchemist! Besides, even alchemists are forbidden to make gold!"

"Your father has stated that it can be done," Neji calmly said. "He has been paid an ample reward in your stead. So start working, Uzumaki."

"I don't care what that *beep*-sucking *beep* said! That has nothing to do with me!" Naruto snarled. His tone turned to that of begging. "Come on, Neji, you're a smart guy! You know I can't possibly do something like that!"

Neji shrugged. "This is a fairy tale, and villains are supposed to be unreasonable in fairy tales. If you fail to fulfill my request, you will be decapitated." 

With that, Neji pushed himself off of the door frame and shut the door firmly to Naruto, who was rushing from his seat in attempt to get out of the room as well. There were clicks as the door was locked, and Neji walked away from the cell. Naruto's shrieks followed him.

"Wait! This isn't fair! Chop off my old man's head instead! Jiraiya's not even my dad; he's just some perverted old guy who happened to be with me!"

Naruto furiously pounded his fists on the door, trying his best to break it down. Or at least, be as annoying as possible.

"I want my lawyer--!!!"

Naruto stood on his tiptoes to see if Neji was listening to him howling. He wasn't. So Naruto returned to sitting on a stack of hay, staring gloomily at the stack after stack of hay. He groaned and started to bash his head against random stacks of hay. "If I'm going down, I'm damaging as much of Neji's property as possible," Naruto seethed. "And then I'm going to become a vengeful bachelor ghost, and then I'm going to haunt his castle and eat all the food in his fridge every midnight. I'm going to make him regret he ever messed with me! ARGH!!!"

So Naruto went on rampage, randomly ripping apart hay stacks and bashing his head into whatever hay stacks he could reach. When he kicked at the bottom hay stacks, the stack tittered, and then the entire stack fell on top of Naruto. Naruto barely had the time to shriek before the entire stacks of hay in the room fell on top of his head. Few seconds passed before Naruto erupted from the dried rice leaves, screaming unprintable obscenities until he was hoarse.

"Shut your trap, dimwit. You're so noisy," a cold baritone voice snapped. Naruto looked up from tearing up hay stacks, his cheeks flushed from his random vandalism and screaming which weren't destroying much of anything except his vocal chords. With a cloud of mist, a boy materialized into the room. He quickly surveyed the room until his eyes rested upon Naruto. His lips curled into a smirk. "A human child; no surprise there. Barbarians."

"Who-- what the hell are you?!" Naruto asked, frowning. The boy shrugged.

"It is a basic manner to introduce yourself first before inquiring after names of others, dunce."

"Don't call me that!" Naruto seethed. He pouted, pulling at hays under his body to try to pull out from the stack of hay that he was buried under. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto. A human, as you see. Are you a human?"

"No, I'm an elf," the boy said, brushing his dark blue hair aside to show Naruto his pointy ears. "My name is Uchiha Sasuke."

With a pop, Naruto was pulled loose from the hay stacks, and he landed on his face. He slowly pulled himself up, and looked up to Sasuke again. Sasuke startled when he got a good view of Naruto's face. There was nothing remarkable about his face; he was a normal human child. But his eyes were absolutely beautiful, the very colors of the ocean, and Sasuke found himself strangely drawn to the eyes. "Well, nice to meet you," Naruto muttered. "Now excuse me while I go back to *beep*."

"What's the matter? Got yourself locked up and lost the key?" Sasuke dryly asked. Naruto's scowl deepened. He was starting to really dislike this kid in front of him. Well, elf. Same difference.

"No, stupid. I'm being held prisoner because my old man-- who is my father only for the sake of this story-- couldn't pay for his blasted booze and told the king that I can fabricate golden shuriken out of dried rice leaves. And people _believed_ it, too. The prince gave my dad a lot of money and bought me." Naruto started to pull hay out of his jacket. "I'm going to lose my head by morning if I can't change all this hay into gold." He sniffled, clutching his head in his hands. "I like my head..."

"Well, my dimension is parallel to yours," Sasuke said, eyeing all the hay with distaste. "And I can hear you howling all the way from my home. And it's loud and annoying to the point of making me want to strangle you. But I'm not allowed to kill. So I'll help you out this time if you offer me something."

Naruto gave an incredulous look to Sasuke. "...you want me to offer you something to compensate for somehow giving me a roomful of gold. Right."

"It's only a technicality," Sasuke said dismissively, waving his hand about. "The whole fairy tale thing. Equivalent trade principal, which isn't actually equal at all. Makes you wonder if those guys who wrote fairy tales have half a brain, but whatever. So try me with whatever you have."

"...huh?" Naruto asked, blinking few times. "Um, I'm going to pretend I understood you." He dug in his pockets until he came up with a goggle. He tentatively held it up to Sasuke. "This is... well, it's like my luck charm; having this makes me have courage. I had this for most of my life, so it has lots of sentimental values, but... is this good enough?"

Sasuke stared at the battered goggle, then carefully picked it up to examine it. He shrugged. "Yeah, okay, whatever. Whatever it takes to shut you up." He stuffed the goggle in the back pocket of his pants. "Step aside. If you accidentally get turned into gold, too, it sure as hell won't be my fault."

Naruto obediently stepped back. Sasuke briefly gathered his hands into seals before emitting his chakra upon the straws, quickly working through the organic molecules to dissolve the structure of various elements and adding or subtracting protons to get his desired element, Au. When all atoms had approximately 79 protons and atomic weight of 197, Sasuke pulled his hand away to reveal masses of golden shuriken. Even in the dimly lit room, the precious metal sparkled brilliantly.

"There, gold. I wanted to just use genjutsu and give the illusion of shuriken, but that'll wear off eventually and then you'll get your head chopped off, right? I had to resort to pure alchemy." Sasuke sighed. "Barbaric humans. What is with their obsession with material entities?"

Naruto stared at the piles of gold in awe, his blue eyes opened so widely that they threatened to fall off his skull and roll on the floor. "That's... that's so cool! But how come I can't do it? I can use jutsu, too, can't I?"  
Sasuke looked slightly uncomfortable. "Yeah, but you can't use jutsu in this story because it's a fairy tale and the major character is supposed to suffer... Stop pointing out the plot holes!" Sasuke paused to steady himself, placing a hand against the wall. He frowned. He was dizzy. "And don't call me ever again. This takes up a crap load of chakra."

Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke's waist and placed his head against Sasuke's shoulder to give him a light hug. The warmth and security of another permeated into Sasuke, and he found himself unconsciously leaning against Naruto. "...thanks. You saved me."

"No problem. Just don't get upset and make noises again," Sasuke muttered. He was embarrassed. Neither hugs nor words of gratitude were familiar to him. He preferred to keep to himself. But he found himself brushing back Naruto's hair, almost tenderly. Almost. "Go to sleep."

"Yeah. Good night," Naruto softly said. He stepped away from Sasuke. With a puff of smoke, Sasuke disappeared. Comforted by the thought of getting to keep his head, Naruto curled up in the cold, hard floor and fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * * * *

Neji wasn't easily impressed. Being the rich and arrogant prince that fairy tales tended to have, he easily dismissed hard work of his subjects and often threatened to chop people's head off(even though he rarely carried out his threat, true to his fairy tale nature). However, he was very impressed with tons of gold Naruto manage to produce overnight. After all, even the richest man of the kingdom couldn't help but be pleased with roomful of gold. 

"I am pleased," Neji softly said, fingering the solid gold shuriken's delicate edges. "Very well done."

"Shove that up your ass," Naruto muttered under his breath. He looked at Neji hopefully. "Hey, so can I go now? I gave you the gold, right?"

"You're my property," Neji coldly said. "Your father has sold his ownership of you to me. And why would I let someone as valuable as you free? You will stay and work for me."

Naruto felt his jaws drop. He pointed at Neji and started to call him some rather colorful names, but shut his mouth when he received a "say anything and get your head chopped off" glare. He stared at Neji, trembling with both terror and fury. Neji walked up to Naruto and pulled him closer to himself, brushing his hair back and soothingly patting his back. He leaned down to softly whisper, "It won't be so bad being my property, little one. I will give you the most delicious of food, richest of robes, anything your little heart may desire. If you continue to produce the gold, you will not be wrongly treated. Do not tremble so."

Naruto stared into Neji's blank white eyes, and involuntarily shivered. How can he help but fear someone who was so unreasonable and threatening? 

* * * * *

Naruto was sitting in another room filled with hay, but this room had comfortable bed to sleep in. The room was also spacious and well lit. Naruto himself was bathed with perfumed water and dressed in rich robes. He had eaten well, and was entertained until the night fell. Then he was taken to another room filled with hay to do his alchemy, or magic, or whatever it was that they thought that he did. Anyway, even though the situation had drastically improved, it was the same scenario. Produce gold or lose head deal.

Naruto forlornly stared at the stacks of hay, curled up on the bed. He didn't scream and make a ruckus this time, but somehow Sasuke knew. For he materialized next to Naruto, sitting on the bed next to Naruto. He gave a questioning look to Naruto. Naruto looked up, surprised at Sasuke's appearance, then lowered his eyes to the bed underneath him. He was ashamed that he needed Sasuke's help again.

"...hays again," Sasuke dryly said. Naruto nodded. "In fact, a bigger room with more hays. That prince guy of yours sure liked those gold, didn't he. What's your offer this time?"

Naruto looked down at the thick satin robe that he was wearing, but the robe was not his. He was silent. Then he whispered, "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I'm a peasant, so... except for the clothes that I'm wearing, I really have nothing. And this cloth is not mine, so I can't offer it to you. I'm sorry... I won't be noisy, so you can just go. I'm sorry for bothering you, Sasuke."

Sasuke sighed. "Naruto, you said your name was? Stand up."

Naruto stood up, giving a confused look to Sasuke. Sasuke wrapped his slender fingers around Naruto's cheeks, covering his whisker marks. Then he lowered his head to gently but firmly press his lips against Naruto's.

"...!" Naruto's eyes widened as he immediately stiffened. Sasuke's lips were surprisingly soft, and the sensation was not a bad one at all, but Naruto felt uncomfortable. He felt something churning in his stomach and he uneasily squirmed as Sasuke's lips gently nibbled against his lower lip before Sasuke pulled away. Naruto immediately backed away, pressing his lips with his hands. His cheeks were red. "Sasuke?"

"I took some of your chakra," Sasuke said, turning away so that Naruto couldn't see that he was blushing as well. There was actually no reason behind the kiss-- he could have easily taken the chakra by resting his hand on Naruto's arm, and human chakra wasn't even worth taking-- but this human was so cute, so idiotic, so vulnerable... Provoking his instincts to protect so deeply... "You've given me something. Now I will help you."

Without another word, Sasuke set to work in transforming the hays into gold. It wasn't long before the transformation was completed. Sasuke sighed and started to pull himself up, except to immediately feel the world tilting and lost his balance. Naruto rushed to catch Sasuke, but failed to support his weight and they both fell to the bed together. Naruto struggled to sit up, then gathered Sasuke's head into his lap. "Sasuke? Sasuke! Are you okay?"

"...yes. It's just... two nights in a row, and so much hay... It's straining my chakra a bit," Sasuke said, closing his eyes tightly, willing the world not to spin. "I'm but thirteen summers old; a mere baby elf..."

"Sorry... It's my fault..." Naruto guiltily said. "If it's going to be of any help, here, take more of my chalk or whatever it was."

Naruto leaned down and pressed his lips against Sasuke's in a clumsy kiss. Sasuke lay still before he responded, tilting his head and nibbling against Naruto's soft lips. The world stilled and only Naruto's touches and scent filled his world, both comforting and somehow incredibly provocative. Sasuke instinctively treated Naruto as he would his mate, even though he was far too young to mate yet. His tongue made its way into Naruto's mouth, and even though Naruto flinched, he didn't resist. Only after he had mapped Naruto's oral cavities did Sasuke pull away, watching Naruto's flushed face with drooping eyes. He licked his lips. Naruto tasted sweet.

Was he thinking of this human as his potential mate? He was willing to court a _human_, of all creatures, for tens of years before he reached his mating age? Impossible.

"So beside from using magic and having pointy ears, what else is different between humans and elves?" Naruto curiously asked. "You don't seem that different from me. We're actually of same age, you know! I'm thirteen years old, too!"

Sasuke was amused. "What are you, brain dead? Don't compare me with likes of _your_ species. We don't take others' life, nor do we exploit the nature. And we live alone until we find a mate, whom we bind to for life."

Naruto frowned. "...no parents? No siblings? Not even friends?"

"No, we can take care of ourselves from the moment we hatch," Sasuke proudly said. He was startled when Naruto held him closer. 

"You must be so lonely! Poor guy! Don't worry, I'll be your friend."

"I don't need...!" Sasuke started to argue. But he stopped. He didn't want to extinguish the hopeful sparkle in Naruto's eyes. Instead he grumbled, "Whatever, do what pleases you."

The two spent rest of the evening talking of their lives in their respective societies. To Sasuke's surprise, it was fun talking to Naruto. When they both felt too tired to talk, they snuggled up together in the bed and slept. Even though it was his first time trusting another enough to fall asleep by their side, Sasuke's sleep was peaceful.

* * * * *

"I can't make any more gold after tonight," Naruto announced. "I was granted my powers of making gold from an elf. I am only allowed to make gold three times in my lifetime. So even if you threaten to decapitate me, I can't make any more gold."

He nervously watched Neji. The excuse that Sasuke thought up of last night was just outrageous enough to work. After all, this was a fairy tale, and three was usually the magic number. Anyway, people in fairy tales were usually dumb as a doorknob and only concentrated on 'living happily ever after.' 

Neji didn't show much emotion on his face. "So today is the last day that you would be able to make gold."

"Yes," Naruto said, trying to sound braver than he felt. "After that, I will just be another peasant to you. Please let me go. Didn't I make you enough gold to compensate for my price hundred times over?"

Neji slowly approached Naruto. Naruto immediately backed off until he felt his back against the wall. He cringed as Neji took hold of his chin, forcing him to look up at him. "You are a beautiful child."

"...uh. Thanks?" Naruto awkwardly said, wondering if it was the prince's hobby to complement people before he killed them. Neji's thumb rubbed against Naruto's soft lips.

"Even without gold, you are beautiful enough to keep my bed warm. Little one, be my queen and produce my heirs, instead of gold. Then you will continued to be treasured and loved. Anything you want will be yours; your very whim will be everyone's command."

"...wha?" Naruto choked out. "Okay. So like, you're saying you want to marry me? I'm sorry, but I'm a boy?"

Neji scoffed, "Nonsense. This is a fairy tale, and a beautiful girl always marries the prince at the end of the story and live happily ever after. Since I am the prince, you must be the beautiful damsel."

"What kind of logic is that?" Naruto asked. Neji shrugged.

"But for tonight, you will make gold for me, little one. And come tomorrow, I shall marry you."

"But..."

Neji took Naruto's hand and started to walk to the new room where the stacks of hay were waiting to be turned into golden shuriken. And Naruto wondered what went wrong in his life that he became the _heroine_ of one of the most retarded fairy tales.

* * * * *

Sasuke wearily eyed Naruto's elaborate dress. "...interesting. I was convinced that you were a male."

"I am!" Naruto snapped back, blushing. "I had to wear a dress for the engagement ceremony! I mean, the moron told everyone that I'll be his queen!"

Sasuke visibly flinched. "...engagement."

Naruto bit into his lower lip. "...yes. He said that he wants to marry me."

"So let me get this straight," Sasuke coolly said. "The guy says 'make gold out of hay or die.' After you do that, he asks the same thing from you again. After you accomplish that as well, the guy asks you to marry him? Aside from the fact that he's a moron who can't distinguish males from females, he sure is romantic, isn't he."

Naruto felt like stomping his foot on the ground and throwing a tantrum. "You don't understand, Sasuke! He's a prince! I was barely able to get anything to eat; if I marry him, I'll live such a luxurious and comfortable life! Even if there is no love in this marriage, I..."

"So you want him," Sasuke cut in. When Naruto trembled and did not answer, Sasuke eyed the hay around the room. "And what is your offer tonight? I can not take your lips, for you are betrothed to another."

Naruto slowly shook his head. "You don't have to, Sasuke. Now that he has officially engaged with me, he won't decapitate my head. It won't make a good impression on his people to kill his fiancee, right? So you can leave..."

Sasuke gazed at Naruto, his black eyes smoldering with some raw emotion he didn't have words to describe. He abruptly turned his back. "...if that is the case, Naruto, I shall do this for you without anything in return. He won't be kind to you if you do not produce gold tonight. If you wish, I will also get you medications to make you able to bear children when you are ready."

"...Sasuke?" Naruto softly asked in disbelief. "But... the equivalent trade..."

"*beep* that. Just be happy. Your happiness will be reward to me."

Sasuke's fingers glowed brilliantly, and Sasuke rapidly worked at changing the enormous stacks of hay into gold. Even though he was fast, there was just too much hay, and it ended up draining him of nearly all the chakra that he possessed. When he had finished, Sasuke stayed kneeled upon the ground, his hand resting against the pile of gold. He heavily panted, shutting his eyes tightly to block out the nausea.

"...Naruto."

"Yes?" Naruto softly asked, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. Sasuke didn't turn around to look at him.

"Uchiha Rumpelstiltskin Sasuke. That is my true name. If you ever need me, call me by my complete name, and I shall come to you."

Naruto kneeled down and tried to hug Sasuke, but Sasuke exploded into a cloud of smoke, and he was gone. Naruto slowly stood up to look at the piles and piles of gold. He felt hot tears running down his cheeks.

* * * * *

The maids have panicked when, upon bathing the supposedly lovely young lady, they found him to be a boy instead. But they did the best they could by dressing him in a dress with a huge ribbon in the front that covered his completely flat chest. Now Naruto was standing in front of the minister with Neji by his side, dressed in pure white dress of a bride, clutching a bouquet of flowers in his hands. What the minister said was boring and immediately flew over Naruto's head. Naruto was in the process of falling asleep when he was aroused by Neji's 'I do.' Neji expectantly turned to Naruto as the minister asked Naruto if he would accept Neji as his husband through illness and hard times and all that jazz. Naruto stared into Neji's empty, loveless eyes. He remembered Sasuke's affectionate eyes, how he had sweetly kissed Naruto, how his touches had always been so gentle to Naruto. And now he regarded this man who was to be his husband, this cold, arrogant bastard of a prince.

"Sasuke," Naruto softly murmured. "...Uchiha Rumpelstiltskin Sasuke!"

Sasuke appeared, true to his words, in his usual cloud of smoke. His expression was saddened as he gazed upon the bride-to-be, the lovely human he had grown rather fond of standing next to the idiot human who was to be his mate. Naruto stepped forward to clasp Sasuke's hands with his own gloved hands. "Get me out of here. Take me with you back to your dimension."

"...what?" Sasuke asked. Naruto stood on his toes to brush his lips against Sasuke's.

"I will give you all the chakra that I can with my human body. I will be your friend and always stay by your side until you get a mate. So please, please take me away from here. I want to be with you...!"

"Naruto..."

Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto's slander waist. He lifted his head to give a crooked grin to Neji, minister, and thousands of spectators of the kingdom. He merrily waved before disappearing with Naruto, to his own dimension.

The two lived together forever, even though it definitely wasn't 'happily ever after' stuff. Actually, the two fought often and annoyed each other to the no end, but it didn't matter. Because they truly belonged to each other.

* * * * *

Naruto closed the thick book of fairy tales and tucked the blanket around his son. "So did you like that, Gaara?"

Gaara scowled. "Daddy, I don't think that was really the Rumpelstiltskin story. Did you just make stuff up because you couldn't read all the kanji there?"

Naruto scowled in return. "What?! I know enough kanji to read a children's fairy tale! I just thought the original one was dumb, that's all! If you don't like it, ask your father to read you bedtime story tomorrow night!"

There was a brief pause before Gaara chuckled, "Well, it was definitely funny. I don't think my teacher will like your version, though."

"Iruka-sensei is cool with a lot of stuff. Go to sleep now," Naruto said, smiling. Gaara nodded. Naruto brushed back his child's blond hair, tipped with flaming red color. 

"Good night, Daddy. Tell Father that I said good night to him, too."

"That I will. Good night."

Naruto walked out of the room and closed the door behind him softly. Sasuke was waiting for him, his arms crossed over his chest. He looked up when Naruto came out of the room.

"...Naruto, you *beep* the story up."

"But it was good *beep*, Sasuke," Naruto said, grinning. He leaned up to kiss Sasuke as Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto's body. Sasuke broke the kiss and gathered Naruto up into his arms.

"I would like a good *beep* myself, personally..."

"Oh?" Naruto asked, giving Sasuke a seductive smile. "I can give you that..."

Without further invitations needed, Sasuke swiftly carried Naruto to their bedroom and the two merrily *beep* the remainder of the night.

* * * * *

The End

Happy Girls' Day, ladies! I should have chosen a fairy tale that involves a princess to honor this occasion, but Rumpelstiltskin just caught my attention. I just had to corrupt it somehow. ^^;; I always wanted to incorporate animation and fairy tale together(it's a popular thing to do with fan comics), but the result was kind of weird. But it was a lot of fun to write, so it's okay. I love fairy tales, folklores, and mythology, so I might write more of these mutated stuff. Fun, fun. ^~^

Sasuke, Naruto, and Gaara Nisei mentioned at the end are from my other fan fiction, "Manazashi wa Eien ni." Gaara here isn't the same red-headed, raccoon-demon possessed Gaara in the original series. He's a blonde kid who is Sasuke and Naruto's son. You don't need to know that at all, but if you read the other fan fiction, I thought you might like to know that. ^^;;

"Elf isn't a Japanese mythical creature," you might say. "But Sasuke is making shuriken, so which country does this story take place in?" *shrugs* Beats me; this is sort of like crash of western and eastern civilization... There was alchemy in Japan, too, but it was mostly for medicine, not to make gold. It doesn't really matter where this takes place in. ^^;;

I censored out all the bad words because this is a fairy tale, and the f-word and such aren't supposed to be there. But as usual, you can read the uncensored, curse-ridden version at the yahoo group. ^^;; 


	2. Snow White

Warnings: _Um... Well... Definitely an alternative universe story. Corny rewrite of the classic fairy tale _Snow White_. _

* * * * *

Once upon a time, there lived a perverted king named Kakashi and a wise and kind king named Iruka. For many years, the couple lived in a bliss, yet having no heir lurked at the edge of their mind. troubling them greatly. One snowy winter night, Kakashi sat by the window of his castle, polishing his weapons after Iruka kicked him out of their bed chambers.

"What's so wrong about reading _Icha Icha Paradise_?" Kakashi grumbled to himself. "It isn't like it's strictly porn or anything. At least it's in a novel format!"

Thus musing, Kakashi cut himself and cursed in colorful, unprintable words, then sucked on his finger as he looked at the window outside. "Man, it sure is storming like hell tonight," Kakashi muttered. "I wish Iruka and I could have a kid who has hair like the midnight skies, red lips like the blood upon my finger, and skin as white as snow outside-- or not. Personally, I don't care about the kid's appearance; I just want a heir."

"Well, excuse me for being a guy!" Iruka snapped. Kakashi nearly cut his other hand on the _kunai_. He sharply turned around and gawked at his husband. Iruka threw a pillow and a blanket at Kakashi's face. "I was about to forgive you, but never mind! Sleep on the sofa tomorrow, too! And if you want a heir that much, sleep with some woman!"

"But... but Iruka!" Kakashi protested. "That was what it said on the script! And it's cold outside! You can't leave me out here; you love me too much to do that!"

"Just watch me," Iruka snapped. However, their quarrel was interrupted when Tsunade approached them with a small bundle in her arms.

"Here," she said, thrusting the bundle at Kakashi. "He's all yours."

Kakashi gawked at Tsunade, then at the baby in his arms. "Huh? What? Why?!"

"Because in fairy tales, your wishes usually come true, unless it's necessary for the plot that your wish doesn't come true until the end," she explained. "This baby is necessary for this story's plot, so you get a son even if your partner's a guy like you."

Kakashi stared at the sleepy child. He had a mob of blond hair, blue eyes, and healthy, tanned skin. Kakashi looked at Tsunade again, bewildered. "But this kid doesn't even look like me! Besides, he's the complete opposite of the baby I just described!"

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "The kid you described was Sasuke, and do you think he'll actually play the role of Snow White? He's not dumb enough to eat the poisoned apple later in the story."

"Don't reveal the plot from the very beginning," Iruka protested. Tsunade gave him a sheepish look.

"Oh yeah. Sorry. Well, it's Kakashi's fault for pointing out the plot holes."

"She started it. But sorry," Kakashi echoed. Iruka sighed. It was only the first scene, and already the story was getting screwed up.  
* * * * *

Few years passed, and Prince Naruto grew up to be a troublesome, noisy young man. His best friend was Sasuke, who hunted animals for meat, because Naruto liked meat. Other than he, Naruto had no other friends, since he was not a beautiful brainless princess, nor was he a dashing brainless prince. Fairy tale people did not like a prince who was neither gorgeous nor dumb. So Naruto spent many lonely hours, his only solace the few hours a day that Sasuke was in the castle to play with him. But even these brief meetings with Sasuke had to be in secret, because Naruto's parents were very jealous for the boy's attention.

On a fine spring morning, Kakashi stood in front of a huge mirror on a secret room of his castle. "Hey, mirror," Kakashi said. "Who's Naruto's favorite person?"

The mirror shimmered, distorting Kakashi's reflection on its surface. "Why?"

"Because I'm the king, and I get to ask stupid questions and waste my time," Kakashi dryly said. "Answer now, unless you want me to break you apart."

"Fine, fine," the mirror grumbled. "Just because I'm an inanimate object doesn't mean you can abuse me, you know. Naruto's favorite person is the one named Uchiha Sasuke."

"Who the hell is that?!" Kakashi asked, very upset by this new information. "But I'm his dad! You mean his favorite person is not me?"

"Uh... no."

Kakashi tried his best to be enraged by this news. "That is absurd! If Naruto's favorite person can not be me, it can not be anyone else! I shall kill Naruto!"

"...that's a lame excuse to kill your own son, you know," the mirror informed Kakashi. "Even more lame than that whole 'my daughter is more beautiful than me, so I should kill her' thing."

Kakashi shrugged. "I need an excuse to send him to the forest with the dwarves, and I'm not going to ask you if Naruto's more fairer than me. That's just... wrong. And you know the major characters in fairy tales don't die, so Naruto won't die no matter what I do."

The mirror sighed.

* * * * *

Naruto clung to Sasuke's waist as Sasuke drove his horse deeper and deeper into the forest. At least entering such a deep part of the forest that humans scarcely visited the area, Sasuke stopped and nimbly jumped off the horse, offering a hand to help Naruto climb down from the animal.

"This is where you hunt?" Naruto asked, his eyes sparkling with excitement. Sasuke solemnly nodded, wrapping one arm around Naruto's waist to steady him as Naruto climbed off the horse. As soon as his feet touched the floor, Naruto grinned up at Sasuke. "This is so cool! I can't believe my parents are actually letting me hunt with you. They always treat me like a kid."

"That's because you still act like a kid," Sasuke gruffly retorted, even though his eyes remained soft. Naruto scowled.

"I don't act like a kid!"

"Yes you do," Sasuke said. He wrapped his arms around Naruto's shoulders. "You always get into trouble and force me to protect you like this."

Naruto struggled against Sasuke's arms. "I never asked you to protect me now, did I? I'm the prince, so I'm the one who's supposed to be saving damsels in distress and all that stuff, not get protected!"

Sasuke smirked. "Are you sure about that?"

Naruto stopped struggling as Sasuke lowered his face and kissed him, their lips layering in well-known movements. Sasuke's arms around Naruto's body somewhat tightened as Naruto stood on his toes to match their lips better. They broke away, and Naruto sighed and buried his head into Sasuke's chest. "Sasuke, you're such a jerk."

"I know," Sasuke said. His eyes grew solemn again. "But Naruto, I really like you."

"I like you, too!" Naruto cheerfully said. Sasuke placed his hands on Naruto's cheeks. Sasuke's solemn expression made Naruto shift uneasily. "...Sasuke?"

"Naruto, you must run away from the castle. I was ordered to kill you today. I shall kill a wild boar instead and bring his organs in place of yours. But you must run, and never return." Sasuke placed a kiss on Naruto's forehead. "You're a strong boy. You'll be surely all right. I'll come find you no matter what."

Naruto shook his head, his face paling. "You're... you're lying! My parents would never want me dead! They love me!"

"Yes, they do," Sasuke softly said. "But I think they want you dead because you are a bad heir, and you will be miserable if you sit upon the throne. The people would not like you, Naruto, and you know it, too. I think setting you free like this is the kindest thing they could do."

Naruto scratched the back of his neck. "Nah, my dad's not deep like that. He probably asked his stupid mirror who mom's favorite person is, and the mirror said it's me or something really dumb like that." There was a brief silence, and then Naruto became serious and angsty again. "You promise you'll come find me?"

Sasuke nodded. "And when I find you again, we shall run away to a distant land, where we can live together without scrutinizing eyes of others."

Naruto nodded, gave a quick peck to Sasuke's cheek, and ran into the forest. Sasuke watched the boy's retreating form until he couldn't see him any longer.

* * * * *

Naruto wasn't sure how far he ran. A stabbing pain on his sides told him that he should walk, rather than run, but the pain of being abandoned by his parents made him want to run away. Naruto finally stopped and breathed heavily, leaning against a tree. The sun was starting to set, and wild animals started to rustle through the forest, while owls hooted to each other. Naruto shivered. The air was starting to get cold.

An aroma of delicious food suddenly hit Naruto's nostrils, and Naruto almost salivated all over the floor as he inhaled the scent deeply. He blindly walked towards the smell, and came upon a small cottage. Naruto tentatively knocked on the door.

"Y-yes?" A small voice asked, the door creaking open slightly. 

"Hi, I'm a prince and I was nearly killed by my parents for reasons that I do not know of. I'm lost and starving. Do you think I can work for some food?" Naruto pleadingly asked. The door opened further, revealing the cutest girl Naruto had ever seen.

"Oh, um, then please come in," the girl softly said, stepping away from the door. "You don't need to work, you poor thing. You can have my share, if others object."

"Thank you so much!" Naruto said, deeply touched. He entered the house and followed the girl to the kitchen. "But I'd rather work for my food. I'm Naruto. What's your name?"

"Hinata," Hinata said, shyly smiling. Upon arriving at the table, six other girls looked up at Naruto curiously. Hinata nervously said. "Um, this is Naruto-san. He was a prince, and he was nearly killed by his parents today and doesn't have a place to go. Do you think he could stay here for few days?"

"Yeah, sure," Ino said. She glanced at other girls. "This okay with all of you girls?"

"As long as he doesn't try anything perverted and works for his food, he may stay as long as he wants," Kurenai said. Sakura, Ten Ten, Temari, and Anko nodded in agreement. "Sakura, go get him some rice."

As Sakura stood up and retrieved Naruto his bowl of rice, Naruto bowed in gratitude. "Thank you very much, everyone. I'll do my best to earn my place here."

"We can't refuse anything Hinata asks for, since Hinata almost never asks us for anything," Temari said, crooked smile upon her lips. "But one wrong move and I'll make sure you can never make babies, got that? Especially our little Hinata."

"Oh no, I already have someone I like," Naruto said, blushing. "My boyfriend will be angry if I so much as looked at anyone else."

There was suddenly a loud squeal as all the girls turned to Naruto with their eyes scarily huge and sparkly. Naruto slowly backed away from them, frightened at the stars pouring out of the girls' eyes.

"Boyfriend, you said?!"

"Oh my gosh, all of our _shounen-ai doujinshi _dreams are coming true! Let's draw their story and sell it at the anime convention next year!"

As the girls verbally attacked him, Naruto wondered what was it he said that had gotten him into such a trouble. He was suddenly very glad that Sasuke was a boy, not a girl.

* * * * *

The next day, the girls sat with Naruto around the living room, listening to anything and everything about the relationship between he and Sasuke with utmost attention and interest. Occasionally the girls would squeal and mutter something among themselves, and Naruto tried his best to ignore the foreign languages of 'that sounds like that _Hunter x Hunter _fan comic I read' or 'doesn't that remind you of that _Get Backers _fan fiction?'s. Naruto was biting into a big, juicy apple when Ten Ten asked, "So did you two sleep together yet?"

Naruto immediately choked on his apple. A rather large piece of apple got stuck in his throat, and Naruto coughed and whizzed as he turned blue. The girls started to shriek and tried to pound on his back to help him swallow the apple, but this only caused the apple to be thrust deeper into the boy's trachea, and Naruto struggled to breath as he turned more and more blue with lack of oxygen.

During the commotion, no one heard the knock on the door. Suddenly the door was kicked open, and Sasuke entered the room. Finding Naruto surrounded by girls, turning slowly from blue to white, Sasuke at first thought Naruto had done something perverted and the girls had beat him up to the point of death. However, Sasuke noticed the apple still clutched in Naruto's hand, and immediately understood the situation.

"Who are you?" Ten Ten asked when she noticed the door kicked open and a strange man towering above them.

"Hey, you kicked our door open! You'd better pay for that!" Sakura complained.

"Are you Naruto's boyfriend?" Anko eagerly asked.

Sasuke ignored them and knelt down to Naruto. Lifting the boy's face to his, Sasuke immediately kissed him, plunging his tongue into the other boy's mouth. One of his hand encircled the boy's waist, while his other hand pounded on Naruto's back to force air out of his lungs and thus cause the apple to come back up. As soon as Sasuke tasted the apple, he pulled the apple away from Naruto's mouth using his tongue. He slowly pulled away from Naruto as Naruto coughed and gulped in the air hungrily. Naruto's teary eyes slowly opened to look at Sasuke, his face gradually turning back to its normal color.

"...Sasuke?"

"You dumbass!" Sasuke immediately yelled. He clutched Naruto's body to his, burying his head into Naruto's neck. "Of all the dumb things in the world to do... You nearly died from choking on an apple! Naruto..."

"Ehehe. Sorry, Sasuke," Naruto said, hugging him back. 

"I can't leave you alone for one freaking day. Really... You need my protection all the time..." Sasuke said, pulling away from Naruto. He peered at Naruto's face. "You're okay? You can breath well now?"

"Yup," Naruto said. He took Sasuke's hand in his. "Sasuke?"

"Yes?"

"...always protect me, okay? Always stay by my side..." 

Sasuke smiled and leaned in to kiss Naruto. "Of course, your highness."

The two didn't notice the girls furiously sketching them.

* * * * *

Shikamaru was leaning against a tree, reading over his copy of the _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_. He sighed and looked up at the sky. "How troublesome... So I have to fall in love with a corpse? I'm not some perverted necrophilia, thank you very much."

"Well, there aren't that many gorgeous princesses left to get married to, so be grateful!" Jiraiya scolded. "They're all either 'living happily ever after' or got eaten by dragons or some other nonsense. Besides, she'll come back to life once you get the poisoned apple out of her throat!"

"I don't get why all princes has to marry princesses, anyway. I mean, there are only so many royalties you can get before you have to start inbreeding." Shikamaru sighed again and stared at the clouds passing by, while Jiraiya diligently looked for the gorgeous babe in the coffin. 

* * * * *

Kakashi nervously watched as Iruka heated up a pair of iron sandals among red-hot coals. Iruka flipped the sandals upside-down to get the top burning hot as well.

"Um, Iruka?" Kakashi started. "You're not seriously going to, uh, make me wear that, right?"

"Of course I will, Kakashi!" Iruka sweetly said, smiling. Vein was throbbing at the side of his head. "You've only killed our only son after having some kind of pedophiliac incest fetish on our little boy! Why should I not kill you the most painful way possible?"

"But I only followed the script!" Kakashi wailed. "It's not my fault! Trust me, Naruto is probably very alive and well this instant! Really! I mean, this is a fairy tale and Naruto is the major character!"  
"I don't care about the script," Iruka said. He pulled the iron sandals out by tongs and set it on the floor. "Put it on, Kakashi."

Kakashi stared at the bright red sandals, emanating heat just by sitting next to his feet. He grinned at Iruka, threw a smoke bomb, and ran for his life. Iruka, who had no real intention of making Kakashi wear the sandals-- he had received a letter from Naruto, who happily informed him that he was going to marry Sasuke-- just grinned.

"Well. That should teach him not to follow script to a stupid fairy tale."

* * * * *

"The end," Gaara Nisei said, closing the book of fairy tales. Hayato was covering his mouth, trying his best not to laugh.

"Gaara-niisama," Hayato softly chided. "You shouldn't change fairy tales. Shu-chan might think that is the actual version of the _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_!"

"Iruka-sensei doesn't mind that much," Gaara Nisei carelessly said. "Is the brat sleeping?"

Hayato kneeled over to check upon Shuuichiro. The boy was peacefully sleeping, his little chest rising and falling rhythmically. He turned to Gaara Nisei and nodded. He tucked the blanket around the little boy, then stood up. "Well, I guess we can go and sleep, too. Shu-chan's parents are not coming home until tomorrow afternoon, so we have to sleep early if we want to send Shu-chan off to school."

Gaara Nisei stood up and wrapped his arms around Hayato's waist, resting his forehead against the nape of the boy's neck. "Oh, come on, Haya. You don't think I'm going to keep my hands off of you tonight? It's been so long since we're together all alone."

"Y-you can't; Shu-chan will wake up!" Hayato stammered, blushing brightly. He tried to push Gaara Nisei away while his white eyes nervously glanced at sleeping Shuuichiro. 

"I'll make sure you don't make any sounds," Gaara Nisei purred, nuzzling against Hayato's silken bluish-black hair. His red-tipped golden hair messily mingled with the other boy's hair. "Please? We can't do anything once we're at home because of our parents, and the academy bathroom is such an uncomfortable place to--"

"Gaara-niisama!" Hayato snapped. He gave a last glance at Shuuichiro before sighing and relenting, "We better not make any mess."

"I'll do my best," Gaara Nisei cheerfully said. The two rapidly walked out of the room, hand in hand, while Shuuichiro rolled over on the bed, clutching the blanket tightly against his chin as he dreamed of his parents returning home soon from their mission.

* * * * *

The End

This is sort of epilogue of both _Manazashi wa Eien ni_ and _Ano Toki no Boku-ra wa_. *laughs* Well. I wasn't going to pair anyone up with Gaara Nisei, but I couldn't resist teasing poor little Hayato. If you don't know who they are, ignore the last paragraph, and it should be all good. ^^;; Technically Gaara Nisei shouldn't be able to baby-sit Shuuichiro, because they're in parallel universes, but whatever. X3


End file.
